Tortured Reluctance
by Beautifull Enigma
Summary: A face from Birkhoff's past changes everything. What isnt she telling him? What isn't he telling Michael? And now that she's in Division's clutches what will become of her?. How will it affect the lying of Birkhoff's loyalty?. B/OC N/M T/A Nat/A
1. Chapter 1  : The Way The World Works

**OK here's my Birkhoff/OC fic :D enjoy. I don't own anything . i promise the next A.N. will be longer**

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><p>Chapter One: The Way the World Works<p>

The blue lines began to merge and blur. _Were they words? Numbers? Symbols?_ He gave up trying to guess, slipping off his glasses to rub his eyes. Leaning back in his chair, he felt the lack-of-sleep-induced headache clamber its way back into his brain._ Oh yeah, life was going great!_ He sarcastically thought. _Swimmingly, in fact. Not that anyone cared. Ha, and the one friend hat normally cared was currently away with the fairies. Speaking of the devil:_ Michael swept in the room and looked across the room at Birkhoff.

"My turn?" he asked as his friend came over. Michael nodded

"Already?" Birkhoff pulled a face. By this point most recruits would have tried to escape at least once._ I mean, come on! You wake up in some godforsaken hell hole, in who knows where and get told everyone thinks your dead! Who wouldn't bolt it?_

"Yeah. This one's a quiet one, be careful"

"Ha!" Birkhoff laughed leaping up "I'm the brains of this joint. The quiet ones are my speciality!" He grinned

Michael suppressed a laugh "Since when? Amanda I recall scares the hell outta you"

Birkhoff was shot-down" Shut up "they laughed and he headed out to the new recruits room

After Michael kinda melded the whole good cop bad cop routine together in his introductory welcome to Division speech, Amanda had decided a blatantly obvious good cop was needed. 'Someone who appears normal in comparison to Michael' she'd said. And that's where he came in. He went in an acted like it was routine checks and information. Mess with the little crims' minds so they relaxed a smidge.

"OK!" He played out his usual chipper introduction " Now that Mr. "New lease at life" has pounded you with data. Let's get the boring stuff outta the way " He sped into the room trying to appear all happy to be there. _What a joke that was._

However the girl across the room was the complete opposite.

She sat, legs planted on the floor, facing him. Dark, matted black_ ...no, brown_, hair pulled into a messy scraggly pony tail. Despite the night's rest she was expected to have had she looked absolutely shattered._ Man! Who broke you into a million pieces?_

Her eyes never left the floor and her fringe fell in front of her face hiding the colour of her eyes. She was hunched over and her singlet just hung there without pride. This image engraved itself in his brain.

Normally at this point recruits eyes were darting waiting for the door to open. On edge and alert. She was...-

He stopped himself. _Back to business_

"OK!" He pulled out his clipboard "I'm the IT guy, I need all your details" Really this was all a façade. A way to check the recruits hadn't done anything stupid. It was routine ... but he saw her whole body stiffen at the sound of his voice_...stop!_.

"Starting with your name?"

Silence.

Awkwardness.

Suddenly her head slowly came to life. raising ever so gentlyly so two illuminated green eyes stared straight at him with an emotion he couldn't decipher.

He looked passed the routine clothes. Past the dark mess of hair. Past her angry aura into those eyes and...before he couldn't finish his own thought

_"Seymour?_" her lips barley parted

.He looked at her again, The world stopped. "_Holly?_!"

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><p><strong>Please read and review I'm not sure where this storyline will take me so i need your ideas and input. I also will need to know if Im doing birkhoff , michael etc justice :) R&amp;R Ask any Questions . Suggest anything :)<strong>


	2. Chapter 2: Hearts They Beat and Break

**Thank you everyone for reading and review Chapter One and sticking with me :) So i thought i'd get a few things straight .**

** Title inspiration:**

**Season 1, Episode 21: "Betrayals" ****Birkhoff: You need to kill Nikita. I know with tortured reluctance and everything. ****Michael: Birkhoff, you look like you need some air. ****Birkhoff: You think? I'm on lockdown here, confined to Division. You see those two deltoids over there? They have to follow me everywhere I go. They even follow me to the bathroom, Michae**l

**Chapter title inspiration : Life Is beautiful by vega 4 (song)**

**I have had added inspiration recently from watching traveler ( a old TV series starring aaron stanford) with the ship Will/Maya welll worth the watch!**

**SO without any further a do . i own nothing **

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><p>Chapter 2 : Hearts they Beat and Break<p>

Holly raised herself to her feet faking a strength she lacked right now. Pulling her fringe behind he ear she knew her full memory-filled face would be revealed .

She'd cut and grew out her hair

Both of them had grown.

But Birkhoff distinctly remembered those eyes. He saw her give a weak 'hi' smile

No wonder he hadn't recognised her initially . The Holly Sullivan he remembered was a picture of light, innocence and beauty right down to the flowing , thick, strawberry blonde-died curls.

"Jeez, Holly!" he took a step back . She almost thought she saw him flinch "What the hell are you doing here?"

He saw her cross her arms

"Ask your friend Mr Michael" she practically spat

Ouch

"When did you get to be so bitter?"

"I could ask the same of you?" he heard the anger rising her voice. He deserved it, he guessed after everything .

He softened

"Give me the pen" she snatched his clipboard, scribbling down the details then flung it back at him

"Is that all?" she glared up at him

He was thrown by this onslaught of anger that seemed so out of character for her

"Ah.." he stammered "Yeah"

She went and sat back down .

The sudden loss of proximity left him feeling slightly colder .

" Really Hollz.." he said softly " Who did this to you?"

The image of her as a young, sweet, spitfire seemed a distant ghost now

She turned back to her original position : eyes cast down , fringe falling forward

He sighed and slammed the door behind him

She gave a small private flinch at the bang

Only then when she was completely alone did she let the tears prick her eyes. Only then when he couldn't see or hear her she whispered:

"You did"

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><p><strong>dun .. dun .. dun aren't you just lucky I uploaded two chapters at once :) but please that doesnt mean you don't have to review this chapter . please do <strong>


	3. Chapter 3: The Waterfall

**here we go Chapter 3 . A few more kind-of answers in this one :) The title of this chapter came from spooks where they described a massive flow of chatter or data as a waterfall :D**

**oh and the "red head" you'll meet is kinda based on kathleen chalfant from duplicity and the guardian . enjoy **

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><p>Chapter 3: The Waterfall<p>

Now, the boring work he'd left on the computer seemed like an ideal escape . He threw himself into it. But no matter how hard , he drowned out the world around him he couldn't prevent the memories inside of him from crashing forward. Painful, yet pleasant, images of white and sunlight and gold storming forth until he just succumbed to the memory

FIVE YEARS AGO

"Hey ! Seymour?" Jack called his name from down the office hall.

"Hey" he nodded . Then turned back to the office window. His hair was far shorter, his face was young, clean-shaven and fresh…. And curious: "Who are they?"

The young ,brunette, and tanned ,tall young man joined him spying into the office

"Who? them?"

"Yeah.."

"Summer interns. Daddy's probably paying big bucks for it. Oh1. Hm….." Jack's face changed to a look Seymour knew was for the worst as the satisfied smirk came onto his partner's face " They're not half bad actually . See.. The blonde and brunette in the corner"

Jack watched the two young women pouring coffee and giggling at some private piece of god dip

Seymour rolled his eyes

"Come on" he sighed hitting his friend's shoulder as he passed heading down the hall attempting to lead the way

" It's not called THE CIA for nothing . We're it, buddy . No back-up CIA 2 so we should probably get back to work ."

Jack just laughed "Like a little code-breaking and hacking is really gonna REVOLUTIONIZE Langley"

Seymour stopped pulling a face "You never know". He waited until jack genuinely mirrored this serious look then he dropped it laughing

"Birkhoff?"

"Birkhoff?" Michael's voice yanked his thoughts back to the computer screen before him.

"What?"

"Did it all go smoothly?"

"duh"

"Oh…. Because CTV would beg to differ"

Birkhoff panicked for a second then tried to cover it "Percy's got it in their bloody rooms now?"

Michael smirked

" No .just testing you were truly awake and with us

" Man! You and Percy deserve each other with your stupid loyalty tests "

Holly threw herself back on the bed in frustration .

Letting her eyes close

The second they shut she knew she'd relive it but to be honest she didn't care

FIVE YEARS AGO

"Oh look Holly! I.T.!" Rachel mocked, her blue eyes faking excitement

"Shh . She's talking"

Rachel threw her one last "good-good" before shutting up

"So don't get to excited everyone" the older dyed red-head woman with the bun shot them down "We don't just let interns run about Langley . This is pretty much the lowest of the low . The paper-pushers2

"Gee ! Fun!" Rachel moaned making Holly laugh a little too loudly

"Well, if you think it sounds so FUN ,Miss.." red-head checked her clipboard " Sullivan .Why don't you lead the way" Madame signalled for her to open the door

Holly's eyes fell to the floor . Rachel really was a bad influence. She cautiously knocked and poked her head round the door.

She found the two young men she'd spotted spying , sitting typing heavily away

"The Grand Tour?" the brunette asked forcing her eyes away from the slightly ginger one

" Ah. Yeah"

" Come in !" The other man welcomed with a shockingly nice smile

They did .

" Gentlemen!" Madame announced . Holly and Rachel suppressed laughs as the two men leapt to their feet " State your name and role"

"Jack Coldwell . I.T."

"Seymour.." he stopped for a second seizing Holly's attention "Birkhoff. Ma'am . Same"

Suddenly red-head's phone went off

She listened

Nodded and rushed out

The interns all looked awkwardly around

"Take a break" The one called Jack smiled to the awkward lot . His eyes falling on her. Holly quickly turned her attention to.. The water machine ! Yes ! Perfect distraction!

As Rachel and herself were about to get a drink , a voice behind them remarked " Didn't you two just have a coffee like two minutes ago?" they both turned. expecting one of their fellow interns to be watching them arms folded.

However the slightly ginger haired I.T. guy had found his voice and what seemed to be a flirtatious smirk.

Rachel jumped to challenge. Holly trailed behind

"So you _were_ spying!"

The guy.. Seymour looked caught out. Holly smiled to herself

"Only a little" he caught her eye

"Hello?"

Holly snapped up on her bed

A dyed red head woman , this time, with long beautiful hair and yet a pale harsh face and cold summer green eyes , stood arms crossed between her and the door

"Ready?" she sounded impatient

"For what? Who are you anyway?"

"Amanda"

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><p><strong>I hope Amanda16 likes my ending :D . R and R , you are all amazing for following this i promise the pace will pick up soon<strong>


	4. Chapter 4: I Know You Who Are You Now?

**Hey everyone Im so sorry its been so long! but Holly and Birkhoff are back!**

**title for this chapter was inspired by Never be the same by red which i guess i kinda theme for these two ad as always baby Biekhoff is inspired by aaron stanford in traveler!**

**I DONT OWN NIKITA BUT IF I DID I THINK I WOULD KEEP SOPHIA THE HELL AWAY FROM MY BIRKHOFF! :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter Four: I Know You. Who Are You Now?<strong>

_**FIVE YEARS AGO:**_

Jack and Seymour left the office late

"Come on Sey!" (See) Jack hassled him " She gave you her number after only two weeks!"

Seymour laughed at this friends' earnest to get to know…well actually "get to know" Holly

"Yeah, she did. But only because I offered to help them find an apartment ."

"SO? You've got your foot in the door at least"  
>They continued to walk briskly through the cold night air<p>

"Jack! Like you're actually gonna to be able to bag the blonde!" He mocked. This girl wasn't stupid he'd learnt that much . You don't get into high level law schools by getting easy As " Anyway, we're in charge of supervising them. McLachlan will bust you big time"

"Oh let red head give it a try! Its all just part of the chase!"

"Jack, you're not gonna win her over"

"Oh! And you will?"

Seymour pulled a face "Maybe"

"Sey, You've been here four months and I haven't seen you go on one date!"

Seymour changed the subject looking in his friend's eye "Or, Maybe. She's isn't the one to be bagged . Maybe we're the ones who'll be won over" He grinned as Jack rolled his eyes

Then Jack's eyes narrowed "Or maybe she's already won one of us over…"

Something snapped inside Birkhoff .

NO, he couldn't let that happen

Distractions . No distractions!

"Shut up!" He tried to pass it off as a joke, He pulled his black trench coat collar up and walked away

As he rounded the corner his cell rang well one of them anyway.

It was her

He didn't know what to do?

Rachel laughes from the couch as Jolly passed back and forth

"Sh! I cant believe you made me do this!"

"You've never would have on your own you're too shy! I still don't get why you picked Birkhoff anyway I mean Jack.. come on!"

Holly laughed " Why don't you go track him down then"

"Its you hes into" Rachels face fell ever so slightly

"Im sorry"

"Don't be"

:Oh….hello?" Rachel heard Holly say . Birkhoff had picked up..finally!

"Hi.. umm"Holly tried to string the words together "Rachels gone out on the town and therefore I have contracted cabin fever" she laughed awkwardily "Is there anywhere interesting to go in New York"

"Isn't that what Google's for?"

"Yeah , but Google cant give me a guided tour can it?" Where did that even come from? Rach?

Seymour could distinctly hear Rachel giggling. She had lied to see him, He was flattered but his Percy induced and geek induced instincts made him cautious. No one ever went for the guy like him.

Suddenly his Division phone went off

DAMN IT shell think hes blowing her off if he just hangs up now

"Hang on one sec im getting another call"

"Ok…" she didn't believe him GREAT

Man! Shes gonna be crushed! Oh Stop it ! what are you doing thinking of some chick! When Division's calling?

"Birkhoff?" He answered

"What took you so long?"

"Good to hear from you too Michael long time no see"  
>"OK. Full Report?"<p>

"None of the new recruits pose a threat and Im a third of the way there"

"Deeper info"

"We've only got two recruits to supervise and neither of them seem to understand a keystroke of what we're doing anyway. Ive hacked into and downloaded all of the personel files just the cases to go"

"Good"

Something had been bugging him ever since Percy had asked him into his office four months ago "Michael…?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm taking ever last fact and figure on the CIA right?"

"You know this Birkhoff"

"Aren't we a part of the CIA kinda?"

"To an extent"

"You don't think" he sighed . Maybe he was just delusional

"I don't think what?" he could tell Mikey was listening closely

"You don think Percy's going rouge…private do you?"

"this line secure?"

"Yeah mate course"

"To tell you the truth B I really don't know anymore"

Birkhoff chuckled "Percy would have our heads if heard this"

Michael laughed along with him . "You've still got your sense humour then"

"You cant rid of it that easy Mike. Ive only been outta the dump four months. Speaking of which. How's Nikki?" he taunted

"Shut up!" Mikey snapped gruffly

"Ok! OK! I am " he chuckled hanging up

There he had the prime example of why relationships in this line of work was dangerous and difficult. In a year or so Niki would go on her big mission with a little chance of coming back in anything other than a bodybag. He would lose a friend but he had a nagging suspicion Mike would lose something more. With all the sings pointing ot NO he surprised himself in the little piece of excitement in the pit of his stomach at the thought of seeing Holly very soon, Was he going mad?

BIRKHOFF gave an embarrassed smile as his thoughts came back to the real world and his work . He saw that Amanda was leading Holly down the hall . Part of him didn't want that woman anywhere near her, The other part knew that if he wanted real answers Amanda was probably the only person able to get them for him.

Amanda stared at her in awkward, deafening silence

"Whenever you're ready?" she simply said, Holly said nothing.

The whole make up of this woman told her not to trust her . SO she youldnt say anything , Therefore Amanda couldn't twist her words or analyse them

After a long insufferable silence Amanda finally changed tack. Giving in

"OK, then take that dress" she pointed to the black knee length dress on the mannequin. "Clean yourself up and when you come back I want you to convince me you are a lady of substance and wealth"

Shed caved! Holly 1 Freaky Lady 0

When she had brushed her hair out it retuned to its natural fuller self unstraightened . It fell in almost rock chick edby layers of varying shades of brown . No doubt Amanda would try and return it to its curly self all pretty and girly and a reminder of the past . Holly rolled her eyes at the mere thought

"Nearly done?" that calm collected annoying voice leaving no hint of impatience

Rather than replying ,she closed her eyes. She pictured her fathers annual Christmas parties . The swirling expensive dresses , the jewellery gracefully across her neck forcing her to fix her posture in order to show it to the world. And the traditional elegant (well supposed to be) family descent down the stairs . Keeping the image in her head she opened her eyes and attempted to glide out.

She saw that fraction of a second where Amanda appeared shocked just before it disappeared again. 2 nil

"its seems youre halfway there already" no illusion to being impressed or disappointed

"Why shouldn't I be? Im not the crim you all think I am" she blurted out in her moment of stupid triumph!

"Ah" they both sat down "Michael said you made some passionate plea"

"Its not a plea it's the truth"

"Well correct me if Im wrong ,but I think you're Holly Paxton . Ex girlfriend as of yesterday to Vinne Gallagher , heir to the Gallagher Irish mongrel mob throne. By record you died in a drive by shooting where you're boyfriend also died and as you know we pulled you out"

"But!" She sighed she seemed to have heard similar stories before "If youre not Holly Paxton then who are you?"

Birkhoff was checking Holly's credentials and details that shed filled in on the sheet. Normally this was just routine But one thing didn't add up Holly Sullivan didn't come up?. Then he remembered the individual recruitment code. Typing that in he finally found her picture. However when he clicked on it the name read "Holly Paxton"?

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><p><strong>This is a wallpaper for this fic: .comart/Birkhoff-OC-Nikita-fanfic-213563514?q=gallery%3ABournebabe001%20randomize%3A1&qo=0**

**PLEASE Read and Review .**

** TVD fans ive gotta damon/oc on the way look out for the title Humanity :) (.com/#/d4cmpll) I may be going through a sophia bush phase so dont freak out Holly and Samantha are VERY different characters but in a good way :)**

**Love you all **


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